tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52563338805167193352023-11-15T05:47:43.752-08:00Thoughts on the matter...zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-79623381962886112322010-04-17T12:27:00.000-07:002010-04-17T12:28:01.827-07:00The taxman at the tea party.For the past six weeks I’ve been working my ass off at a CPA firm, filing other people’s taxes for them. So naturally, I’ve been thinking a lot about the subject of taxes and it’s been interesting to see what various people have made, and what they have to pay. <br /><br />I really don’t understand the Tea-Party movement. Do they want a military? Roads? The police force, prisons and firemen? Did they go to public school? Are they going to collect social security? Do they benefit from the society they live in? I'm just wondering.. <br /><br />They answer me, “I'm not against all government and I'm not against all taxes. Of course, we need some government and some taxes, but I think we could use less of both of those things.” <br /><br />Oh, so it's only some places your taxes go that you don't like? Maybe I should join the movement. I have a whole list of places I don't like my tax dollars going. I don't like my tax dollars going to subsidize corn or soy. I don't like my taxes going to build hundred-million dollar aircraft for the military, or any of the wars we are currently engaged in, or any CIA operations. I don't like how much we spend on prisons. And I don't think tax dollars should be used to fight something as natural and benign as cannabis, which if you read into its history, is illegal for completely different reasons then what we are told. And I don't like my tax dollars going to teach abstinence only sex education. <br /><br />“I think what the tea party movement is struggling against is big government and the road to socialism.” They say. <br /><br />Well, I think a government should take care of it's population. especially one like ours, where there is no place to opt-out. And I think that capitalism equates a person’s worth to the size of their pocketbook <br /><br />I suppose it comes down to differences of opinion. And I don’t think Humans will ever overcome their differences. I also wonder if the Tea Partyers are really any different than the Iraq war prostesters that sprouted up during the Bush era. I also wonder how big the movement really is compared to the media attention it receives. <br /><br />But the differences that are there are huge. The protestors who want peace for everyone, and those that propagate hate and hording. So they don’t want to lend out a helping hand. Those who claim to be christians and follow in the footsteps of he who said “if he is naked, clothe him; hungry, give him bread; tired, a bed; thirsty, your cup.” I paraphase. But I, not claiming to be christian, turn the other cheek, and do unto others as I would have done to me because I believe in being a decent human being. <br /><br />I’m half-convinced that the Tea Partyers are just really pissed off that they have a black Democratic president. They are so mad that they lost and the person who won is black. They are so mad, they are going to stupid lengths to express their anger. For example, in my state of Arizona, governor Jan Brewer is spending state resources to file a lawsuit against the federal government over the health care bill, (along with 13 other states, who are not going to win, and are just doing it for the political points) while they are having to slash the state budget everywhere else, cutting education, health and social services. When this country is filled with the super-rich living in cities surrounded by walls, and massive slums are filled with illiterate, ignorant, hungry and beaten down people and they begin to riot, we will have none but ourselves to blame.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-86460771164042591862010-02-14T09:17:00.001-08:002010-02-14T09:17:56.437-08:00The 5-year planI don’t recall being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. It was assumed that I would marry a returned missionary and be a stay-at-home mom. The Mormon girl’s dream. As such, my husband would work and I would not have to worry about my own career. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Let me explain what I see as one of the fatal flaws in the traditional feminist movement, i.e. the choice to be a stay-at-home mom is frowned upon. Or, that it is not really seen as work. My sister and my sister-in-law are both stay-at-home moms and each have four children. I would not want their job; they work just as hard as their counterpart who brings home the bacon. Now, I’m all with my sister suffragists and I agree, at least intellectually, anything you can do I can do better. But to choose to be a stay-at-home mom is just as novel as choosing to be a stay-at-home dad. As long as both individuals in the particular relationship are in agreement. Yep. Yep.<br />However, that is not how it happened for me. Nope, that’s not my story. Since I was never asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never really thought about it. Oh, I had little girl dreams of being a ballerina or an actress… As I wandered through community college after high school, I finally decided to major in Anthropology because I thought it would hold my attention long enough for me to graduate. It was important for me to get my bachelors, but I had no plans for life after graduation. I knew I loved to travel, but that is an expensive avocation. I moved to Los Angeles after graduation on a coin toss. That and my older brother already lived out there. I randomly, and very fortunately, landed a job in Beverly Hills which taught me a skill: bookkeeping. It turns out I am not only good at it, but I actually enjoy it, and it introduced me to Ed. We met in the hallway at work, a month before his company moved out of the building. I think Ed really saved me in Los Angeles in a way, saved me from what L.A. could have done to me or what I might have become.<br />Ed would often ask me what my long-term goals were. I’d reply that I didn’t have any, or they were completely vague. Going back to school crossed my mind from time to time, but with no particular subject in mind. Well, underwater archaeology, maybe. The past few months Ed and I have been in deep discussion about these things. I took an on-line career/personality assessment test. My strongest working style was authoritative, and my strongest working field was administrative. I have often been told I would be very good at the top if I could just get there. In high school, when I worked at Wal-Mart, the store manager sat me down and told me I could go as far as I wanted to go in the company, if I could just curb my eccentric behavior. I quit a few months later because I believe I shouldn’t have to curb my eccentric behavior. You’ve got great potential I was told. Well, what good is potential? Potential for what? It’s only as good as you make it out to be. Mine was an aimless potential.<br />In mine and Ed’s conversations we’ve come to the conclusion that I, being twenty years younger with a longer career in front of me, really have the greater earning potential in the long run. However, we should make my credentials a little more bona fide and my skill set a little more bankable. That means in the short run, incurring the expenses to send me back to school. It’s a hard three year road I’m looking at. One that if I start I must finish. That will be my goal, my first official timeline structured goal.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-12072365529752105802010-02-13T15:47:00.000-08:002010-02-13T15:49:28.544-08:00off with the oldI started thinking some good things last night and this morning. Things to write about, write all about it. Write about Ed cutting his hair. Hopefully a lot of his anger and bitterness went with it. He’s let it grow for the past year, and what a year he and his hair went through. Ed has probably had a more difficult time than I have this past year. I understand his bitterness, but at the same time I can’t help him get over it, he has to do that himself. And while I have, at least lately, been rather happy and having a good outlook on life, that becomes hard to sustain in the face of someone who consistently points out all the bullshit. And it’s all bullshit, folks. We turned off the news for awhile. When we turned it back on we changed the channel, we now watch the News Hour with Jim Leher. I feel they go into a little more depth. But still, we sit there and listen to the bullshit going on, and all the aging-balding-silver-haired-white-politicians who aren’t going to lift a finger to help improve society, and who aren’t going to attempt to change anything about the status-quo, because the status-quo is what got them to where they are in the first place.<br />When he stops to think about it, he gets really angry. Angry at his ex-business partners who shafted him. Angry that at almost fifty he has to start over. Ed is having a much harder time finding a job than I am. While I have gotten a fair response to my resumes, and a few jobs, Ed has received only one phone interview that led nowhere. It is very demoralizing for him, especially when he interacts with employees who are completely incompetent. He comes home fuming, “how do these clueless idiots get a job? I’m a UCLA grad, and this moron has to ask me how to spell ‘Edward.’ How are they employed and I can’t even get a call back?!” And what can I say in response? If he looks for mellow low-paying jobs, people upon seeing his resume are like why are YOU going for a job like THIS?<br />But since he cut his hair, he has been slightly more optimistic. Times are tough, but they are tough for a lot of people. And while we don’t have as much as some, we have more than most of the population on this planet. I mean, what are the poor souls in Haiti having to deal with? And we are complaining about having to cancel our cable TV? While I have high hopes for our individual outlook, I do not believe that over all the economy is improving for the general populace, or that it will. There are too many fundamental problems.<br />Situational updates: Ed and I are moving again, this time it’s around the corner and down the block. Hopefully, this is our last more for a while. I got a seasonal job at a CPA firm, helping them through tax season and I’ve realized I really like working with a lot of little numbers. By little, I do not mean quantitatively, I mean small. So now we are contemplating me moving forward to obtain my CPA license. It’s back to the U of A, on my way to a CPA, three years away.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-44356844602976601642010-02-06T08:47:00.000-08:002010-02-06T09:04:38.047-08:00My response, a continuationI must confess, I have never read Howard Zinn. But now I intend to. There was one more comment I wanted to respond to, but I felt my last post was getting too long. The comment was made on ‘it’s not polite to talk about politics.’ Something to the effect that corporations that have to make a profit must on some level provide what the general population desires, while the government just forces taxes on us and they will spend it doing whatever they want.<br />Ed and I were watching the news the other night, and there was a segment on how Obama's budget cuts funding for NASA. One of the NASA directors was on saying how horrible that was and how important space travel is to ours country's prestige. That is one man's opinion on how our tax dollars should be spent.<br />One thing that kills me in the health care debate is people saying they don’t want their taxes to pay for other people’s health needs. To that I say, I can name a whole host of things I don’t want my tax dollars going to. I don’t want any of my tax dollars going to Iraq or Afghanistan. I don’t want any of my tax dollars going to the CIA or any covert operations that they engage in. I don’t want my tax dollars to subsidize corn, or to bailout big banks. I don’t mind my tax dollars going to fix roads, or educate children, or maintaining our national parks. And I would not mind my tax dollars going towards providing everyone in the country with adequate healthcare. While we’re at it, let’s shift the health care focus from reactive to proactive. Let’s stress being healthy. Eat well and exercise.<br />Another thing I find interesting is, (I got this information off a 2007 congressional report that cited 2004 numbers), the US government spends more per capita on health care than any other country in the OECD. The OECD is the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development; it consists of 30 democratic countries that are considered the most economically stable. The US government spent $6,102 per person, more than DOUBLE the OECD average. I would like to point out that a lot of the countries in the organization have universal coverage. How is it that other countries can provide all of their citizens coverage for less than what we pay not providing for all of our citizens?<br />This brings me to another one of my big questions about humanity. Can a bureaucracy be efficient? Is that possible? First let’s look at the general reasons we find them to be inefficient. Well, they run on tax dollars that are given to them, not earned by them, with no one there who really cares about the bottom line. They are generally top heavy organizations that rely on extensive paperwork. And the employees are generally incapable of deviating from that paperwork. I always say that the one thing that college really taught me is how to have a piece of paper signed by four different people and retuned to the first. And here is the second question, can big corporations be efficient? In the brief time I worked for a national investment bank in Oregon I found them to be just as top heavy, just as bogged down in paperwork, and the people with the company purchasing power have no real stake in the company and don’t care about the bottom line either. Look at all the Wall Street execs who were bonusing themselves out millions while their company was losing money. The CEO’s, who again have no skin in the game, jump off the sinking ship with their golden parachute, over to the next company and starting the game over again. While the shareholders are left seeing their investments diminish. How efficient is it to disenchant your customer base by routing their calls to Bangladesh, causing them to speak to someone with whom they are mutually unintelligible? I said to one of them once, ‘I realize they tell you what you are speaking is English, but you cannot understand me and I can not understand you. Let me speak with a supervisor’ How efficient is it to ignore the signs of changing times, and to dig one’s heals in while refusing to change and adapt, e.g. like the auto companies?<br />What about corporations providing what customers want? Most of the time these companies come up with a new product, and then through advertising, convince the public they need it. Take the pharmaceutical industry, continually coming up with a new drug for ailments people never knew they had. Or inventing new ailments that humans have never had in the past. Like ADHD, which I don’t believe really exists; it wasn’t until the 1960s when Ritalin came out, and the 1990s when prescription medication really took off, that it came out that all these children had ADHD. What about the hundreds of generations before them? Did they have overwhelming occurrences of ADHD? No, just like the millions of children that don’t have it now, but the company came up with this drug, and they intend to sell it. Let’s look more broadly at all the psychotropic drugs on the market and ask ourselves why is it that millions of Americans feel the need to drug themselves in order to cope with life? Prior to all these medications people just drank martini’s. And how hypocritical is it that we tell the public that they can take all the little blue pills they want, as long as they were prescribed by a physician, but don’t you dare smoke marijuana or peyote, don’t you dare take mushrooms or any of the other NATURAL occurring mind-altering substances. No, they would rather us take chemical compounds put together in a lab. What’s up with that? Why don’t we trust the natural world, perhaps it’s because that’s what the pagans worshipped? Is it that we think we are smarted than nature, the same nature that provided adequately for our predecessors? I have no answers for you.<br />I mentioned in my last post how BOTH parties in a conflict bear responsibility. We Americans (which is really just the latest incarnation of Rome) are taught to believe that we are Number 1. That we are the best, that all our motives are magnanimous, that we are the doer of good deeds throughout the world. This is simply not true. The decimation of our native population, the enslaving of the African race, the Japanese interment camps of WWII, our current treatment of homosexuals, the prejudice against Middle Eastern people, these are all bad things that we have done. Like our current action in Afghanistan, what do we think we are going to accomplish there? Genghis Khan couldn’t conquer them, he British couldn’t do anything, the Russians couldn’t do anything, so what are we going to be able to do? Also the notion that we are number 1 implies that we are the best in every possible way. There is no room for growth with that opinion, which is why as a country we have become stagnant and are beginning to collapse.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-57191034075560267722010-02-02T06:21:00.000-08:002010-02-02T06:22:14.538-08:00Regarding my responseA few months ago I received a couple of comments on this blog that I wanted to respond to. It was part of what has been brewing in my silence. I felt one comment, on <em>my ideas about the universe in a nutshell,</em> was dismissive. I would like to take an opportunity to discuss some points in no particular order. Moreover, these points drive home some of the basic questions about humanity I wrestle with.<br />What do I do with the notion that there is ‘evil’ in the world? People like Hitler, Stalin, Mao, who, for no reason other than their warped world-view, caused the death of millions, massive suffering, and were generally not nice people. Or other people who today I am told, hate me because of my freedom and my lack of adherence to their radical religious views, and who would kill me if they could. So I ask myself, “Is it possible to breed out hate”? Is hate an innate emotion? Would it occur in a vacuum? Hate stems from fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of competition, fear of death. I believe fear is an innate human emotion. “Fight or flight” and the adrenaline that flows from it is one of the traits that kept our species alive. However, the difference between fear and hate… I think hate is a taught trait, but a trait that has been taught to the human race for a very very long time. When generation upon generation, insofar as oral legend or written records can attest, have ‘hated’ another group, is it possible to un-teach that lesson? I’m not sure it is, at least not while each side is generally still engaging in the actions that cause the fear to turn to hatred in the first place. Yes, <em><strong>both</strong></em> sides. Rarely is a conflict one-sided.<br />We are all products of our environment. Let’s look at Hitler. Why? Because he is the one I know the most about, having studied the Third Reich. Hitler, in his youth, wanted to be an artist. He applied for art school in Vienna and got rejected. And how different would human history be if Hitler had been able to pursue his passion for painting? Would he have become the evil murdering madman we all know him as? While the Nazi party was formed in the early 20’s, the movement began to loose steam by mid-decade. As Germany was living some of the Roaring Twenties and was gaining economic security, the Nazi’s message of who to blame for the struggle fell on deaf ears. It wasn’t until the Stock Market crash of 1929 which resulted in Germany’s economy completely collapsing that the Nazi message took off like a hot air balloon, catapulting Hitler to power. So here are two events that if they had, or had not happened, may have changed the course of history. There is one other point I want to make, and then I’m done talking about Hitler. If Hitler had just been some lunatic, digging through trash cans and muttering to himself about the ‘damn Jews’ and reveling in his evilness, would the holocaust have been his end result? No. He had legions of people under him to carry out his commands. He left much of the administrative duties and some of the decision making up to others in leadership. There were many people, including those citizens who went along with the status quo, working of their own free will supporting the policies. One last thing to think about, if the world had not put so many reparations on Germany after WWI, especially when it was the Austrian Empire that had started the war, maybe the country never would have the economic hardships that lead to the rise of such radical ideas. <br />And just as a general note, the winners write the history books, and those books never mention how many people they killed, or it’s usually just mentioned anecdotally. How convenient.<br />On a different note, a comment was made regarding the idea that everything cannot be made locally. I would like to say a few things and I will try to keep them short. I did not say EVERYTHING, I said anything that could, and I think a lot could, even cars and refrigerators. It is more a mater of logistics rather than of ability. Once upon a time everything that a community needed was produced locally. But then the big box stores that could mass import goods for less came to town, and instead of going to the mom and pop who have been providing goods on a local level, we go with cheapness and convenience. Slowly the local factories and production slows as jobs are moved overseas, to employ people who work for pennies on our dollar. Eventually those crafts and skills are lost and we forget that we were capable in the first place.<br />One final comment, I do have peace in my life. But instead of thanking the military and police force I give the thanks to a loving family, a supportive husband, and my own self-esteem.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-74773434740902182742010-01-30T16:04:00.000-08:002010-01-30T16:06:36.604-08:00Madness and InsanityMaybe I like going through existential angst. I sure do get there a lot, at least when I’m out of balance. I’m a Libra, if you believe in such things. Our sign is the scales, balance, peace and harmony. I feel out of balance like I’ve been driving with a flat tire. Two flat tires. There are some conclusions that one has to keep coming back to before they accept them. These seem to be mine: 1) No Misery Is Worth It. I just hope I remember that next time. 2) Recognize the cycle: I’m going crazy now, I’ve gone crazy before and I’ll go crazy again.<br /> I need an expressive outlet soon or I will explode. You only suppress yourself, but I feel that it is a taught trait. I was taught. I often say that I am the reincarnation of my mom’s free spirit, if you believe in such things. My mom would have been a crazy hippie, had she not been raised Mormon. I recently stole a book from her on the uses of herbs for one’s health. That’s my example. I didn’t really steal the book; I told her I was taking it. I remember once I told my younger brother that I was so mad, and he corrected me, I was angry not mad, because mad was crazy. Now I correct him, we are all mad here. Long term instability can do that. But then I remind myself that there is no security anyway, people bank on the illusion of it, but really any day now Yellowstone could blow, and then what would we do? The western half of the United States would be under ash! That would complicate things. But until it does I have to trudge along and feed myself.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-4460169395926145672010-01-26T06:44:00.000-08:002010-01-26T06:46:22.821-08:00Quiet mindsMy mind has been very quiet lately. But I can feel it getting ready to explode again. It feels good.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-46875569041845961312009-11-12T20:07:00.000-08:002009-11-13T16:18:03.184-08:00It’s not polite to talk about politics.Politic. Anytime there is interaction within a group of adults, politics are involved. People have their own interests they hope to promote. Self-interest. I got into a discussion with a libertarian recently, and while I found it very frustrating, it enabled me to pin down what my disagreement with libertarians are. One: the idea that everything is motivated by self-interest. I say, let’s define self-interest, because on one level it’s true. I found a box of kittens in the park once, I don’t particularly like cats, but I felt bad for the kittens, so I took them with me and cleaned them up, fed them and found them homes. Self-interest? Those kittens cost me time and resources, but doing it made me feel good, so in that way, yes it was self-interested. But to the libertarians who banter about free-market principles and its Darwinian social repercussions and call it self-interest, what they are really talking about is greed. And a line from the upma-lumpa song goes through my head: if you’re not greedy you will go far. You will live in happiness too, like the upma-lumpas doop-a-de do.<br />Back to politics, and to follow, other taboo topics. I think I’m done censoring myself and plan to unleash my insanity. Maybe it is my thinking I’m crazy that makes me normal. More on that later. Can there be a good government? A government is only as good as the people who make it up. I’m worried about our government, for many of the same reasons that I am worried about the future of the human species. I’m about to narrow that down to corporatism. Corporations who only answer to their shareholders and next quarter’s profits and are so short-sighted that they do themselves long-term harm, e.g. the auto industries. But I’m not completely there yet.<br />So, I voted for Barack Obama. And all things considered, I think he is doing OKAY. Let me qualify that. First, I think our system is so corrupt that in order for a person to reach the level of president, they themselves must be corrupt. You can’t walk through fire without getting a little scorched. Second, a president is not a king with a scepter, or a magician with a wand. Our system of government was set up to be slow. Third, there are very minor differences between the two major parties. The same corporate interests are lining the pockets of both. (democrats tend to be more liberal socially, which I like). There are some minor parties that try. But can you take grassroots to a national level? Or does a national organization result in a loss of street-cred for the grassroots origins? Fourth, there is a LOT of CRAZY BAD STUFF going on. And really, there is only so much control over life. I have no answers for you.<br />So what to do? You see, there is no storming the castle. The powers that be will shoot their neighbors to maintain its structure. We saw that in 1970 in Ohio. Like Tiananmen Square to follow, and any other government crackdown. They have bigger weapons than we could ever imagine. I say, wait for it to collapse under its own weight. It might be slow and painful, but it’ll happen. And in the meantime attempt to do what you can to promote the causes you believe in. We have few options, we can vote, and we choose what businesses we patronize. I’ve started to follow up voting with writing letters to my senators and my congressman. I bookmarked their contact pages. I send quick messages of causes I think they, as my representative, should support. Like the Local Community Radio Act and a Public Option. But I don’t think they listen to me. When I sent a letter to Jon Kyl, I received a form letter back saying thankyou for your opinion, but here is why a public option is bad.<br />So I keep trying.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-45712237138620091442009-10-30T07:59:00.000-07:002009-10-30T08:00:06.820-07:00My ideas about the universe in a nutshellI’ve been thinking about growing. What it means to grow, the act of growing. I just turned 29. I grew. I’ve been thinking about change. Growing and changing are similar in nature but have different connotations. A lot of change happened the past year, and as a result I grew.<br />I’m not really going anywhere with this.<br />I’m really rather radical. I think that where Humans need to go in order to continue to succeed is so far from where we are that I wonder if we are even cable of asking the questions, and questioning the institutions upon which we base our society. I’m an idealist, but I have been disappointed from time to time.<br />I do think that the human species can live in global peace and prosperity. I say global, which scares some people, and which might be odd from me, since I have stressed the local. Let me explain. I see a global local movement, meaning that everything that can be produced locally will be. EVERYTHING. I really think we need to bring production back to the people. Strip it down to what we need: we need to eat. What can be grown locally? What animals thrive there? We need a place to live. What are the local building materials? We need education and health care. Most things, even larger appliances and electronic goods can be produced locally, on a smaller scale. In order to do this, we will have to challenge the corporatist presumed point of life, i.e. the accumulation of wealth. Hoarding. What are we saving for? Now is all we have. Hell, there could be some crazy worldwide disaster that kills us all tomorrow. Children who have no idea of the value of a dollar will inherit wealth and most of it will be squandered. I see the point of life to be the enjoyment of it along with the happiness that hopefully accompanies it, while remembering that life by nature is suffering. All I am saying is give peace a chance.<br />I’ve been thinking of everything and about nothing at the same time. It’s an odd headspace. Sometimes I want to bury my head in the sand, other times I want to crusade and save the world. It’s like this jumbled up ball of twine, and you don’t even know where to begin trying to tease it apart. As you slowly work one string out of the knot, the whole becomes less tangled, until the strings fall loosely in your hands and you are able to braid them nicely.<br />It seems too big, and the forces on the other side too strong. Because I do believe that there are forces on the other side that profit from the confusing jumbled up ball of twine and want to keep it that way.<br />I used to say that I thought it was five monkeys in the mountains of Peru who really ran the world. Now I think it is probably a handful of international bankers who run the show.<br />The alterations that society needs to make on the whole require that we question the institutions that form it: the military-industrial complex, the insurance and pharmaceuticals industries, the sue-happy legal system, the embedded corporate interest in the government agencies.<br />To be continued…zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-10088975894539797242009-10-09T10:23:00.000-07:002009-10-09T10:24:54.344-07:00Suffer the little children…While we work to create an alternative economy we must still live in the real one. I feel like I’ve written that before. To that end I obtained employment. I got a job with a company that provides after-school programs. For a few hours every afternoon I get to hang out with about fifty running and screaming children.<br />I like kids. I have two siblings that are 10 and 12 years younger than me, and I changed their diapers and walked them to sleep. Played with them and babysat. When I left home they were 6 and 8 and I still think of them as that age sometimes, but now they are 17 and 19! That means I’m old. I look at them and say ‘how old are you again?’ Then there are the handful of nieces and nephews that I have lived with on occasion. The point being, I’ve always been around children. Just to further my credentials, I also worked with children with multiple disabilities at a school for the deaf and the blind. <br />As the subject of an anthropological study, children are fascinating. They are the continued evolution of the human race. Their little brains are designed to learn their culture. Every child will, without ever receiving formal training, learn to near perfection the spoken grammar of their dialect. Every individual will of course put their own idiolectical spin on that dialect, which is in part the cause of language evolution. I often argue nature vs. nurture to myself. I mean, infants have personalities, and two year olds are bursting with personality. But you can never completely judge by the child’s personality what the adult’s personality will be. Just as you can never imagine what a child will look like when they grow up. However, whenever I see pictures of my mom as a little girl, I think that she looks exactly the same; I can still see that little girl shining out of her eyes. Damn linear nature of time.<br />Well, the company that hired me serves one of the school districts here in Tucson. I have had a rather confusing time with it. In the first three weeks I have worked at four different sites. Just as I was beginning to learn the kids’ names in one place, the company would move me to another. And the children in the current place are the biggest group of hellions that I have ever seen. Many of them argue back with phrases like ‘whatever’ ‘who cares’ ‘no’ ‘you can’t make me’ and one kid told me when he grows up he wants to be in jail. I have been hit in the back twice in as many days, kicked and threatened by some six year old punk, who runs off and climbs up a tree.<br />There is little support form management; the philosophy behind the program is to explore the child’s interest and plan the curriculum around their interests. I really appreciate the theory; there just isn’t the structure to back it up. To this end, we are not allowed to organize activities we are just allowed to provide them with materials and let them explore. We are not allowed to discipline, we must re-direct them to a different activity. We are not really supposed to tell the parents of troubles with the children, if we must we should preface it with lavish praise. We are not supposed to project our voices to get the whole group’s attention; we must gather them one by one and request that they quietly sit on the rug.<br />I realize that I have a different approach to child rearing. As Cesar Millan advises, children and dogs need rules, boundaries and limitations. If a child misbehaves, they should be corrected. If a child at such young age is already lying, stealing, fighting and threatening to stab people, it’s time for some hard knocks, and some place putting. They should learn that such behavior is not tolerated by society. Mamby-pamby psycho-babble isn’t going to cut it.<br />Children have been successfully raised for millennia, without detriment to our species, but now I think we are doing harm to the human race with these coddling philosophies.<br />Look at me, I wasn’t given options, I was told to do things. I was spanked, and grounded and put in time out and made to apologize. And I turned out just fine. (some people might question this)zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-4362779791274739622009-09-23T18:31:00.001-07:002009-09-23T18:31:37.454-07:00Going localAs I have previously stated, one of the life conclusions Ed and I arrived upon in Oregon is that we need to operate as locally as possible. To that end we have sought out several local movements. We found a local rancher who grazes their cattle about 70 miles away. The beef is really good, but a tad on the fatty side. However, she also sells raw bones for dogs and a special high-fat ground beef that we cook up for Jackie. He loves it. Speaking of Jackie, he is getting used to living in the city. There are several dog parks we take him to, where he invariably gets rolled around by other dogs, but he loves that too. Ed is getting Jackie involved in dog competitions, Earthdog, which simulates hunting and agility. In October we will be going up to northern AZ for his first trial.<br />The first organization we contacted here is called Local First AZ, they are a non-profit that started in Phoenix to promote local business. It goes something like this: for every dollar spent at a national retailer 13 cents stays in the community, however for every dollar spent at a local business 48 cents stays in the community. For every two jobs a national company creates, three local business jobs are lost. Keep it in the community. Ed and I went to a mixer they had to introduce ourselves. It was really for business owners, and since we are not… but we have started using their website which has a directory of local businesses.<br />Then we heard from a friend about a local currency movement. Monetary structures have lately piqued our interest. Let’s briefly delve into the philosophical realm. What is money? Money is a standardized means of exchange whose value is based upon something. It used to be, a long long long time ago, that the value of currency was based on the production of food and goods. The US federal note that we use is based upon the word of our government. It used to be, a long long long time ago, that money was created every season with the various potatoes, grains, fruit, meats and cheeses that got to the marketplace. Now money is LOANED into existence by the Federal Reserve, which by the way is a private company, so that the second it touches a hand it has to be paid back WITH INTEREST. That fact, and in order for society to maintain it, depends on a continually expanding economy. And since the earth and the resources upon are a finite entity, an ever-expanding economy is impossible. My own humble opinion is that the human race is reaching critical mass. Money used to devalue over time, as the various potatoes, grains, fruit, meats and cheeses rotted over time if they were not used. This encouraged re-investment into the community. Now money increases over time (via interest), indeed it takes money to make money, or as my uncle always says “the money that money makes, makes more money.” This encourages hoarding, by those who can afford to hoard, and slowly the bulk of the wealth is in the hands of a few (international bankers) and the majority of the population are grinding it out in the wheels of the machine, getting more and more of their production value taken away. (Most of this information, though I have it from several sources, is found in the book LIFE, INC. by Douglass Rushkoff.) The laws laid in place hundreds of years ago and have been altered for the benefit of those in power (think large corporations and multi-millionares) to remain there.<br />What to do with all this information? One solution is to create a local currency, one that is not loaned into existence, but one that is based on the value of the labor of the members of the community. Which in theory would never inflate or deflate since the value of that labor never changes. All you have to do is get everyone to agree that this new currency has value and to accept it as a means of exchange. So Ed and I have been going to the group meetings helping to aid the cause. I have never really thrown myself into a community group of this nature. The few times I was involved in a collaborative effort was mainly in the context of school projects. So I am new to this forum, and I realize that even though we all have the same goal in mind, we see different ways of getting there. There are personalities and egos involved and the occasional irresponsibility of the volunteers. Usually the meetings are at the end of the day when we are tired and hungry, but we are trying. I’m excited to see where this goes, and being part of this movement. Some group members believe we should just launch the program (right now in the form of a on-line ledger account system, hopefully one day to incorporate magnetic strip card technology and maybe paper script) and start operating within it and figure it out as we go. My only worry would be if the program launches without figuring out some logistics it might fall flat in early stages. But here we go.<br />Ed is also volunteering at the local community radio station and the public access television station. It’s good here and I think things will just continue to get better.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-8346861521008042482009-09-11T12:11:00.000-07:002009-09-11T12:31:44.493-07:00Stop cooking and pour me a beerOne of my favorite things about this little house of ours, is that it has a big kitchen, with lots of counter space. I now have the basic necessities to do what I’ve been saying I want to do since I was 19, learn to cook. Not just any cooking, I want to walk into my kitchen, throw flour against the wall and come out 45 minutes later with a three-course meal. Slight exaggeration, however I do try and start with the simplest ingredients. No pre-packaged goods for us.<br />My true problem is I’m a picky eater. I don’t like food. In LA, Ed and I pretty much stopped going out to eat, because two times out of three, I ending up not liking what I ordered. So I stick to what I know.<br />A friend of mine invited me to a raw food party here in Tucson. Where everyone is to bring a raw food dish and I took chopped up melons. I took a little bite of everything and the only thing I liked was the melon I brought. Most of the dishes were shredded up carrots and cucumbers and tomatoes and sprouts, and usually marinated with spices like jalapeño, cayenne or some other pepper that I don’t care for. One of the things I never did understand about Raw-foodies,Vegans or any other extreme dietary lifestyle is when their foods try to imitate that which they will not eat. For example, at the raw food party there was a ‘chocolate’ pudding cake. But it wasn’t chocolate and it wasn’t pudding. What’s up with tofu burger? Why do they say it tastes like chicken? They don’t eat chicken or burgers! Why not just embrace the diet and advertise that it tastes like wheatgrass?<br />I like bread, so I’ve started making as much bread as I can. I stole some bread tins from my mama, and bought the biggest bag of flour I could find. I really enjoy making bread, so far I’ve made banana bread, Asiago bread and regular white bread. I’m going to attempt pumpkin and French bread next. Bread takes a while, and it’s messy, which I like. I feel that one should make a mess while they are cooking. I enjoy the process, mixing in ingredients, letting the dough rise, mixing in a few more, letting that rise. I take extra pleasure in kneading, with my hands covered in flour, as I slowly work the dough into that smooth spring consistency. And is there any smell greater than that of fresh baked bread? No, I don’t think so.<br />The other edible item that I think I have gotten really good at: fruit smoothies. And this helps with our desire to improve our diet. It’s a perfect way to get our daily fruit requirements. It’s so much fun to throw random fruits into my blender, a little yogurt, honey and orange juice. Everyday it’s different, and everyday I think it’s the best one yet.<br />Tonight I’m going to make bread pudding.<br />There is a great little locally owned Asian market three blocks away, so I need to learn how to cook Asian food. I have a little harder time stretching myself when it comes to main courses. But we did find a local beef company and have been making pot roasts that are quite delicious. The best part of me cooking is that Ed cleans.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-73224778462852838162009-08-26T18:03:00.000-07:002009-08-26T18:08:26.054-07:00Tucson, ArizonaWhen I left Tucson about three years ago, I was never going to return. It’s a great little town, but I had some hard times growing up here. Every street was filled with negative associations. It’s an odd feeling being back here, because while here is still the same, I am not.<br /> I know this place, I’ve cruised these streets since I was 14. Its smells and its people are familiar. There is also a re-birth for me coming back here, and for the town itself. Downtown is going through a much needed renovation, a gentrification without losing the Old Pueblo charm. Ed loves it here, he tells me that everyday. The desert speaks to him, the air is easier to breath, and then the monsoons roll in for the afternoon and cool everything down. My heart is here, too. The wisps of wind will dry the sweat from my shirt, and the sunsets over the jagged Tucson Mountains will shoot out waves of orange, pink and reds. I remember what I like about the desert.<br /> The Universe has seen us move into a great little home, in a great location. And true to our charge, we have begun to seek out the various local movements we want to help advance. We have been going to community meetings and social mixers. There are several avenues worth exploring. LocalFirstAZ is an organization that seeks to promote local businesses while educating the consumer about the benefits of keeping your dollars local. We have looked up where all the farmers markets pop up around town, and met a few local ranchers that only sell their beef in Tucson. We live down the street from a community radio station that Ed is going to volunteer at.<br /> Finally, a lot of my family is here. As I told Ed, after spending six months with his parents, my family doesn’t seem so bad. I have my differences with my family, but hopefully, I have learned how to bury the hatchet.<br /> All in all, it’s good to be Home.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-17579423907903860802009-08-15T08:14:00.000-07:002009-08-15T09:02:56.485-07:00Back by popular demandSo it’s been over a month. I have been feeling my fingers itch for the keyboard. But I’m not sure what I’m talking about yet. The Airstream is sold. There is nothing left on the farm to give away that we once lived there. As we drove away from there for the last time, Ed towing the U-haul, me following in the Prius, I felt the nightmare dissolve behind me, as I awoke and began to notice the beauty of sunlight scattered by the clouds.<br />We’ve been gone for a month and in a way I don’t even remember being there at all, maybe those six months never happened. But I have a few permanent scars that remind me of where I’ve been.<br />Ed’s daughter was with us for 3 weeks, and we eventually dropped her off in LA. We spent a few days in LA ourselves with some good friends. We walked past our old apartment, ate at my favorite bagel shop, re-stomped the old stomping grounds. The surreal feeling of familiarity, the roads and the shops, but LA is no longer home. I loved being there, but I’m glad we did not try to move back there.<br />We settled in Tucson, AZ. Back to my roots. It’s a great place, and I have friends and family here. Ed commented on how we can’t go anywhere without me running into someone I know. It’s nice to have a city around us. We live in a little guest house downtown, which puts us in walking distance of everything we could need. I plan on being a pedestrian as much as possible. Ed and I are determined to get involved in the local community and local economy. We will not let all the knowledge we acquired and the opinions we formed lay dormant. The local food movement and neighborhood connections will find great advocates in us.<br />I need to change the name of this blog, if I’m going to continue it, which I plan on doing. Beverly Hills to Hillbillies doesn’t apply any longer. I think it will be named ‘The Instant Local’ but that name still needs to make it through the committee. And I’m also working on expanding the BH to HB story, filling in the details and eventually publish it as a book. I have always felt I have a book or two in me. <br />In the meantime, here we are again, starting from scratch, hoping to get our lives in order. The task of a lifetime.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-33141004978186492792009-07-05T23:19:00.001-07:002009-07-05T23:19:50.980-07:00Leaving the farmEd and I are coming up on our one year anniversary. Time for reflection. It is bemusing to think that we are newlyweds, with all we have been through. Our marriage has aged here. It has been the best and the worst of times. I’ve aged here; I’ve lost some of my happy-go-lucky spirit. I hope I regain it, for I liked that part of me. I’ve learned a lot about myself and I’ve thought a lot about the world around me.<br />So it didn’t work, Ed and I becoming farmers. The Beverly Hills to Hillbillies experiment failed. But it is in failing that one learns. That’s how scientists continue to narrow their focus and reform their hypothesis. As my archaeology teacher would say, we learn just as much by what we don’t find. <br />Let’s first look at what we found. We have found a deep appreciation for farmers, for those people that love the land and produce the food that sustain us all. As well as those who work on a local and environmentally friendly level. We don’t need to destroy the land to live off of it. We don’t need to be patenting organic life, claming ownership over a certain vegetable strain, thereby obligating others to be dependent on one source to produce that vegetable. That seeds are created to commit genetic suicide is wrong. For the very basis of life is that it is able to reproduce itself. I have become aware that there are greedy corporate forces that try to manipulate the food supply for their own benefit. To this end, I will work where and how I can to counter these forces. Support your local farmer. Support your local community.<br />We have found a love of small time gardening. It is amazing that a tiny seed, just with sun and water, will turn itself into a wondrous plant that bears fruit that we eat for strength and sustenance. I watch as the apples and tomatoes get bigger everyday. When I visit the local grocery store and wander through the produce section; oranges, kiwis, avocados, they just grow, naturally. From now on, we will always grow some of our own food. I think it is important that humans experience that connection with their earth.<br />The farm gave us a perfect location to get a Jack Russell. We are endlessly grateful that we have had these months of bonding with Jackie.<br />I would like to thank all my dear readers. Ed and I were talking about how crazy the brief media frenzy was. I’m glad it happened. The writing process and the blog forum have been wonderfully therapeutic for me. I like writing, and I like my writing. Although some times I stare at my keyboard, wanting to throw it out the window. I’ll always be writing.<br />Ed’s daughter is flying in tomorrow. We haven’t seen her since April. We get to keep her for a month, and we’ll be driving around the northwest for a while. Then, Ed and I are heading south. We are children of the sun and feel that it is a good direction to go.<br />So this is the end, and once you’ve said that there’s nothing left to say.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-32774970305224873392009-06-28T19:49:00.000-07:002009-06-28T19:52:54.094-07:00Don’t make decisions in the darkThere are a few funny things about living in this Airstream. Although it is level and stabilized, we can still feel it wobble a little as we move around in it. Especially when Ed walks down the hall. Sometimes I think the Airstream is haunted, I often feel someone move behind me, out the window. I always turn to look just to see the great outdoors. It’s all just metaphor I suppose.<br />In the evenings, Ed and I will take Jackie out into the newly cut hay field and let him run to his heart’s content. We stroll back and forth and try to process all that has transpired the last six months. I keep going back to our original decision, that starting over at Ed’s parents place was the best option at the time. I realize now that that decision was made while we were in panic mode. When Ed’s partners booted him and we lost 75% of our income we started to panic. Panic is not a good frame of mind from which to be thinking about options. We felt that we had no other realistic options, and we didn’t give ourselves enough brainstorming time to see if we could come up with any. So we jumped.<br />What goes into making a decision? I started thinking about algebra, (algebra almost kept me from graduating college) and a basic equation where you plug in variables and solve the problem. If there are too many variables the equation is unsolvable. So one might replace one of the variables with an assumption, which might allow the equation to be solved. We all know what assuming does. I’ve already been made an ass of, so what does it matter now? <br />Assumptions are made everyday. To generalize, people go to college on the assumption that the degree will wield them higher earning potential. Houses are bought on the assumption that the equity will increase. Wars are begun on the assumption that people want to be liberated from dictatorships and will welcome us as liberators. However, nowhere is it written that one’s actions will produce the intended results. What then goes into decision making?<br />There is only so long one can hold off doing anything for lack of decision making abilities. I’ve heard that length of time is three days or 72 hours. But I think the length of time allowed is relative to the choice being made. In our case, the question of what we want to do with our lives will need more time to figure out.<br />Am I still here, stuck on the LIFE question? But as long as one is living, I think they are stuck on that question. It’s one that you have to re-answer every day. Every day you wake up you re-decide how to focus your energies for that day. It can be in the direction you have been moving, or it could be a 180° turn. The interesting thing about angles is that even a 2° shift can greatly alter the destination.<br />Which brings me back to algebra…zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-83572813256958405352009-06-26T14:14:00.001-07:002009-06-26T14:16:29.352-07:00What’s growing in our garden<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_yd8W-0AvyZg/SkU6hfBMTHI/AAAAAAAAANc/dh-ZSbfa7Ik/s1600-h/Garden_02.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351748079136296050" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_yd8W-0AvyZg/SkU6hfBMTHI/AAAAAAAAANc/dh-ZSbfa7Ik/s400/Garden_02.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yd8W-0AvyZg/SkU6hCzAbUI/AAAAAAAAANU/Jjhtmh5AUZg/s1600-h/LB_JK_Garden_1JPG.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351748071560604994" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yd8W-0AvyZg/SkU6hCzAbUI/AAAAAAAAANU/Jjhtmh5AUZg/s400/LB_JK_Garden_1JPG.JPG" border="0" /></a><br />I’m really proud of what we’ve accomplished. We went into this project as idealist young kids, without a clue, making it up as we went along. My original thoughts about how hard it might be to get plants to grow haven’t yet come to a conclusion. How hard is it? I don’t know, the broccoli and celery have yet to come up, and I’m wondering if some of the green leaves popping up are vegetables or weeds. If I’m not sure I don’t pull it up. Most weeds I’m sure about, but there a few things in the cucumber bed I’m not so sure of. I’m happiest about the sunflowers. My dad gave me a pack of sunflower seeds when we were down in Tucson, he said they were old and he wasn’t sure if they would grow, but they are getting taller and taller every day.<br />I think that we will keep a little vegetable garden wherever we go, but I don’t think we’ll have such a big one.<br /><div></div></div>zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-29211819863346890832009-06-24T17:18:00.000-07:002009-06-24T17:21:49.865-07:00The Dirty FarmerEd and I watched a documentary called “The Real Dirt on Farmer John.” It was great. Farmer John was raised on a farm in Illinois, and inherited it when his father died young. He went to a nearby college, where he befriended artists and hippies, and invited them back to his farm to create a farming and artist commune. It all ended horribly wrong, with mounting debt and the local townspeople spreading rumors about violent drug induced orgies and murder. None of which were true. But farmer John threw up his hands, swore off farming, and went to Mexico. In agrarian Mexico he re-fell in love with farming, and the sacred relationship between farmer and soil. When he finally made it back to Illinois, to start all over, he decided that this time he would be an organic farmer. He found organic, done properly, required three times the amount of work, plus a LOT of knowledge he never had, and he was met by the town with the same skepticism and distrust that had met him previously. After a few years of breaking his back, getting nowhere, he once again swore off farming and returned to Mexico. When he came home the second time, he again started up his organic/artist farming community. With the help of his mom’s vegetable stand, and some restaurant owners in Chicago searching for local organic produce, he managed to sustain himself farming in a holistic manner.<br />It was a very good documentary and I recommend it. It illuminated a few things for Ed and I. First of all, here is this guy who was raised farming, all his family and neighbors farmed, who inherited a farm with all the equipment and animals, and he said organic was too much hard work! So how could Ed and I, without that background, really be expected to accomplish such a feat. Also, part of our dream for this place was to turn it into an artist retreat, where people could gather and garden and create in a relaxed environment. And we’ve been sad to have to let that dream go, but it was wonderful and cathartic to know that someone else out there had that same dream, and saw it come to fruition. Just knowing that there is an artist-friendly farming community out there really helps us to peacefully let that dream go for ourselves. And so we think we should drive to Illinois to shake hands with farmer John.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-84433841410992628202009-06-23T13:09:00.000-07:002009-06-23T22:17:45.107-07:00Drastic ActionsThey are what drastic times call for. As such we have decided to sell the Airstream. Yep, it’s listed on e-bay. We think that it’s the thing to do now. We feel liked we tried, we gave it our best effort, but the signs were early and obvious that it just wasn’t going to work. For reasons stated in earlier blog posts… It is strange in a way, the way we imagined the outcome when we started, we would have been caring for little chickens by now. My blog posts would have been about building their coops, bailing hay, and our further involvement in the farming community. About bailing hay…within the last week, the nearly 3 1/2 acre hay field got cut down, raked up, made into bales and put into the hay barn. I watched all of this while weeding the garden. The garden is our favorite thing about this place, the sun has finally been coming out all day, and daily I look to see how the little plants have changed. We’ve been eating radishes nearly everyday now, and there are a few little green tomatoes on the vine. The corn stalks never cease to amaze me, and the potato plants are flowering. However, we pulled off all the potato flowers, so the plant sends more of its energy to its root system. We also have little asparagus and herbs coming up, although they will take a few years to mature. It’s enjoyable to spend the mornings watering and weeding.<br />Back to selling the Airstream. We have Ed’s daughter flying up from L.A. in two weeks, and once she is gone back to her mom’s, we think we’ll hit the road. We’ll drive around aimlessly, seeing what we can see. Across America, across Canada, maybe into Mexico, I mean, really it’s possible to drive down the Pacific Coast to the tip of Chili! I had a cousin who did it on a motorcycle. And then you could drive up the eastern seaboard, through Brazil, skirt around Venezuela, all the way up to Québec. Then hell, by that time you may as well cut across Canada to Alaska where you started from! That’s right, in our Prius with our dog. If we are going to be homeless, we may as well be traveling. In fact, I’m thinking about changing the name of this blog to ‘Vagabond U.S.A.’<br />The Airstream has been good to us. It’s been our cocoon, but it’s time to shed the shell and let our wings spread. A lot of good mental work has been done here; it’s forced us to sit with our thoughts and our discomfort. There has been no running away, only constant reminders.<br />On a completely different note, I’ve been sick lately. It is no fun. Ed and I had this lovely Father’s day trip out to the coast planned, we went anyway, but we had to pull over about five times on the way there so I could puke. I’m just starting to get my strength back. The one up-side to being sick: I lost a few pounds. Not that I need to, but what woman doesn’t like to loose a few pounds? Aside from the physical unease, aching all over, alternating chills and sweats, not sleeping well and having a headache, aside from all that I have felt mentally up-beat. I’m not really worried about this next step, and for whatever reason, I think good things will come our way.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-15854878356422264842009-06-14T13:10:00.000-07:002009-06-14T13:14:03.843-07:00HomelessHome, there is no place like it, and according to who you talk to it’s where the heart is, or wherever one lays their head. Not quite, and not any place can be one. Whether it be a castle, a shack or a 1974 Airstream Ambassador. It’s a person’s kingdom, their sanctuary. I’ve always prided myself on having a place where I can shut out the world, invite in whomever I choose, and relax and feel at peace. A place where I feel comfortable puking my brains out if I get sick, and a place where I like to walk around naked. What makes that homey feeling? It’s something that spans ages and cultures. Now I feel a little like Dorothy, all I want to do is to go home. But for as much as I click my heels, I’m not getting anywhere, and I’m definitely not in Kansas.<br />For the last decade, I have moved about once a year. Some places feel like home the very first night. Others take awhile. When I think of home, I also still think of my parents house. Although when I go there I don’t know where anything is anymore because I haven’t lived there in ten years.<br />I say that I have felt homeless for the past five months; Ed says he’s felt homeless for seven, ever since he lost his job and we knew we would have to move. L.A. didn’t feel quite the same after that. Not feeling like you have a home is a very unsettling feeling to have for any length of time. <br /><em>I’ve got a Paul Simon song stuck in my head.<br /></em>The Airstream is not home for us. It would be great for just one person who doesn’t cook very much. It would also be a great camping trailer, for a week or two at a time. But it is not home. It’s so small; Ed and I have to crawl over each other to move. I can’t stretch or put my shirt on without my elbows hitting a wall. I’m always hitting my head on the door jam stepping in and out of this place. It also amazes me, for how small this place is, how easy it is to loose and misplace things. I’m constantly tearing the trailer apart looking for my keys.<br />To end on a happier note, one of the good things about being homeless here: being able to eat from our garden. Our radishes are ready! It’s so exciting to see the little tops pushing out of the ground, so satisfying to pull it out of the dirt. They smell incredibly fresh and are so pretty. Ed can eat radishes whole, I normally can take a small bite before my eyes water.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-70171488223534187272009-06-09T22:34:00.000-07:002009-06-09T22:56:17.235-07:00Experiments in slowing downThis is what I tell myself: do a breathing exercise, breathe in all the good, positive energy; breathe out the bad negative energy. Focus on the breath: inhale warmth and relaxation, exhale out cold frustration. Sit up straight. Clear your mind.<br />Much easier to say than to practice.<br />Some of the activities of slowing down: baking bread, reading, having picnics, watching my dog breathe. It’s all very fun. The picnic was especially fun, there is a lovely riverfront park that we went to. We laid out our blanket, drank wine and had bread and cheese. Ed ran around with Jackie, who is learning not to bark at other dogs. It’s all very pleasant, and slightly boring. There is only so long one can really sit in the grass reading a book, no matter how good that book is.<br />I often wonder, because I am a student of history, and because I am a die-hard <em>Pride and Prejudice</em> fan, what do people do with all their time? And they had to wear those dresses and be all proper like. But there are 24 long hours in every day; 365 days in a year and how many years do we live? That’s a long time! I know Time is perception, however, I believe my mama said it best when she said, “the days are long, but the years are short!”<br />So while we are in the waiting mode, for the next shoe to drop, or the next stepping stone to be laid, we are having a series of very long days, with not a lot to fill them. We are trying not to be impatient throughout this waiting period. First, we don’t want to make the ‘next move’ out of a place of panic. Panic is never a good place to make a decision from. We would like to take our time and do it right.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-52372738519094033442009-06-05T18:00:00.000-07:002009-06-05T18:05:06.114-07:00Reinterpretation of the dreamWhen we first moved here, and once I stopped crying, we saw nothing but possibilities and trees, now we only see the trees and they are blocking our view of the forest. And I’ve started to cry again. Throughout daily life walking around the farm, tears well-up in the corner of my eyes. I am mourning the loss of a dream and possibly losing my dreamer’s quality. Maybe it’s just becoming more realistic, or refining my life goals.<br />One of the facts we have admitted to ourselves is that we have too much urbanite in us to live so far out in the country. We enjoy the hustle and bustle of a city. Being isolated on this farm for five months has slowed us down a little, so instead of speeding in the fast lane we’re cruising in the slow lane, but we still want to be on the freeway. I don’t want to go back to LA, but there are some things about LA that I miss. In the city we could get anything delivered at any time, here no one will even deliver a pizza. In the time it takes us to walk to the very small country store, which is about a mile, we could have walked to any number of stores, restaurants, cafés, boutiques, the post office and the police station. And country roads are scarier to walk on because there are no sidewalks, but on the other hand everyone waves to us as they pass in their vehicles. I don’t think I ever got waved to in Los Angeles. Flipped off, maybe.<br />What I’m saying is, we don’t need to be in an overwhelmingly large city, but we would like to be in a little more populated area. So we begin to ask ourselves, where to this time? There is another factor that we somehow failed to properly estimate. That is: we are still newlyweds. And we still want the ‘just us’ time, and adventure.<br />I’m not sure where I am going with this, so I’m going to go back to where I started. My dream. To live quite and comfortable with my husband and my dog, and I don’t think I’m asking too much. However, my idea of comfort has been scaled back after living in a 200 square foot Airstream for five months. To be continued…zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-23737299165632548032009-06-02T19:34:00.000-07:002009-06-02T19:40:26.327-07:00Impolite ConversationEd and I are always discussing whether or not I should be careful with my politics, and religious views, i.e. my philosophies. Because I am extreme? No. Well maybe. Heaven forbid I should offend anyone with my views, even though I am constantly offended by what is said around me. I feel I should speak up. Not that I expect to change anyone’s mind, that’s why it’s theirs, to make up for themselves.<br />Now to the story: We had a very nice guy from down the street deliver some firewood. A cord for $100, which I guess is a good price, having never bought firewood before, I really don’t know. But Ed has bought firewood and he said it was a good price. 10 minutes into unloading the truck, the man stops what he is doing, turns towards us and in all seriousness asks us, “Do you know the Lord?” (and I was wearing my Buddha shirt) to which I replied “Jesus”, (no, that’s just what I thought), I actually replied, “How much time do you have?”<br />Ed and I recently watched the movie <em>Religulous</em>, by Bill Maher. Well, according to him about 16% of the American population are ’non-believers’, people who do not affiliate themselves with any religion or belief system. 16%, that is a sizable portion of the population. And we non-believers can’t sit quietly while all the believers run rampant yelling about their beliefs. On that note, I would like to proclaim that I am a Questioner. I do not know if there is a God or gods, and I am OKAY not knowing. I do not think such questions are answerable. What I do believe is that the Universe will take care of you if you just let it. Whatever that means.zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-87180656495104547352009-06-01T19:58:00.000-07:002009-06-01T20:32:51.262-07:00Random updates#1- I’ve got a green thumb! There are lots of little green things coming up in the garden, and some big green things. Our poor little tomatoes that suffered so much have come alive in the ground! They are getting bigger everyday and spreading out leaves. Ed is really happy about them. I’m the happiest about the potatoes. I’ve never seen a potato plant and I think they are beautiful. The corn grows the fastest for sure; I mean you could stand there and watch it grow. Sometimes I do stand there and watch it grow, it’s a great way to slow down. We’ve built a new fence around the garden; well Ed did most of the labor, and it seems as sturdy as any of the other fences on the property. Not bad for novices. Finally, we have little tiny apples on the trees! Two of the three trees have apples and they are so little, I’m going to watch them grow, and then I’m going to eat them.<br /><br />#2- Mini road trip in Oregon. We’ve been taking to the road lately, more for driving around than trying to get anywhere. But still we’ve made it out to the coast and up into the Cascades. Oregon is a beautiful state; the greenness and lushness are a match for any landscape. There is nothing like driving on a shaded winding road that follows beside a river. We love giving Jackie the new experiences; his favorite was probably running on the beach.<br /><br />#3- Jackie is the best dog ever, but I might be biased. Around 9pm we have our routine where Jackie walks himself into his crate and lays down. He says ‘leave me alone mom and dad, I’m tired.’ He’ll wake us up between 3-5am to go to the bathroom. Ed and I take turns taking him out. I actually enjoy taking him out so early in the morning when the stars are either popping or the dawn is breaking, both times are peaceful and amazingly inspirational; it is a silence I enjoy. When we come back in, I tell Jackie to sit so I can take off his leash. His little tail wags in excitement as soon as I say ‘okay’, then he bolts up onto the bed and licks Ed good morning. They roll around together as I climb back in and Jackie curls up at our knees. It’s my favorite time of night. Jackie hangs out with us all day, wherever we go. He follows most commands, at least he knows what he is supposed to do, but sometimes he just doesn’t feel like doing it. On the other hand, sometimes he does what we want without us even having to say anything. We just look at him and he’ll sit. Ed just got him to lay down on command, he was resisting it at first. He is super-curious and always wants to investigate. When I was pulling up roots in the garden area, he was right there with me digging as fast as he could, and being the cutest little puppy ever! In my own humble opinion. While watching him dig with such enthusiasm, we decided that we would like to teach him to go underground after prey, which is part of what Jack Russell’s were bred for. We just love him! The Vet said that for those of us who don’t have children, our animals are our family. And as my mama always says “Every mama crow thinks her baby crow’s the blackest.”zappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5256333880516719335.post-67466850353907228382009-05-27T19:15:00.000-07:002009-05-27T19:16:27.217-07:00My next passionSince we’ve decided that it is impractical for us to bury ourselves trying to build a profitable farm so quickly, without real knowledge or skill to do so, I need a new focus. We’re completely committed to growing as much of our own food as possible. Now I want to learn how to cook. I’m not talking about making mac and cheese from a box, I’m talking from scratch. We are still completely into local food and sustainable eco-friendly production methods (how’s that for jargon!). But we don’t have to be the ones producing it. We just need to support those who do.<br />Last weekend we went up to Eugene’s farmer’s market, and one of the vendors there had a great little resource guide mapping out all the local farms in the area, what they produce and when and where they sell. Also it listed all the farmers markets in the county. There is a market happening every day of the week except for Mondays. This is how I’m going to start shopping, no more Safeway for me! Well, as much as possible at least. Ed and I figure we won’t be purists. For one thing, there is no local coffee, sugar or flour, all of which are essential to us. Hmm, there might be local flour, from eastern Oregon. We’ll buy everything that is available locally, but for that which is not, we are not going to go without. However, I would like to find a banana distributor that is not Dole.<br />So I want to cook, and I think cooking should be a messy process. I’ll throw it up against the wall, be covered in sugar and flour, and have vegetable shavings at my feet. I’ve always wanted to purchase my flour and rice in fifty pound bags. Part of this comes from my childhood, my mom had cans and cans of whole wheat, which she would grind and make bread with. And there is nothing like the smell of baking bread. There is a family dinner roll receipt that I am pretty good at making, but Ed and I are really looking forward to making all kinds of bread.<br />I have a problem when it comes to my desire to cook, I don’t really like food. That is, I’m a very picky eater. When we lived in LA, we would listen to NPR on the way to work (Ed and I worked six blocks from each other and had the luxury of commuting and eating lunch together everyday), and one day they had a segment on picky eaters. It’s a documented subject, where the appearance and texture matter almost more than smell and taste, although they matter too. It was describing me perfectly. Ed would always tease me when we would go out to dinner, I would take one bite of my meal, and say it tasted funny. And that was it, my way of saying I didn’t like it. I’m a basic steak and potatoes (medium rare of course), hashbrowns and eggs, bread and cheese, Mexican food (I grew up an hour north of the border) kind of girl. It’s not the most well-balanced diet. I might be slightly exaggerating, but not by much. Ed, on the other hand, is a garbage disposal, so even if I don’t like what I make, I know he’ll eat it.<br />I’m trying to stretch my limits. I tried mushrooms for the first time in 20 years, they were a little spongy, and I didn’t really like them, but I tried! I had asparagus, which I never liked, and it was okay, the real little ones were, depending on how they were cooked. The fresh ingredients help; I throw everything I can into the salads: cucumbers, strawberries, radishes, bell peppers, onions, carrots, avocado, cilantro, and maybe some lettuce. I’m making myself hungry. I want to start making stews and casseroles. I flip through my Betty Crocker cookbook and dream of all the wonderful things I will cook. It’s such an art: food preparation. I have a little desire to domesticate; it’s strange to admit because I was always the little anti-everything. But if I didn’t allow myself to grow due to prejudices from my past I would be rather stupid. Thus my reason for trying mushrooms. Although I’m still not going to try fishzappalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04712964557995793354noreply@blogger.com3