Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Girl in The Box

For as long as I can remember, I have had a little girl in a wooden box in the back of my head. The box was never quite big enough for her, she always had to be stoop over. And, for most of my life, she would pound her fist on the walls and scream at the top of her lungs 24 hours a day.
I have run very far to get away from myself, but everywhere I go, there I am, and here I am, at the end of the day, and the end of the road, and the end of my rope.
So I go into my mind, and open the lid of the box and ask the little girl, “if I bring you some milk and cookies will you stop crying?”
“maybe” says she.
“what do you want?” says I.
“the same thing you do.”
“I don’t know what I want”
When you have everything to gain, and everything to lose, when you don’t even know what that might entail in either direction. Enie, Meanei, Minie, Moe, doesn’t work like it used to. Why not, becomes just why.
“you’re not answering the question” says my little girl. “climb in here and scream with me”
I climb into the box, but instead of pounding fists, I only have streaming tears.
I’ve always said that I was fearless, or that my only fears were morbid obesity and spontaneous combustion. Roosevelt said we should only fear fear.
To not be afraid of the dark around me, I have to first not be afraid of the darkness in my mind. And to the depths it can go. I look around my box, laying there, in my dark thoughts. And I say to my little girl “I’ll try to get us out of this.”

Ed and I picked up this piece, Cubicle, from a good friend of ours, Hunter King, (hunterking.com), before our financial meltdown, and what a great piece for our collection! Now it makes an even more poignant statement, in relation to our current living situation and current state of mind. I wanted to share the thought, and perhaps ask what traps you?


  1. Uh-oh Leah, you sound a little crazy! Are you going crazy? Listen, Leah, um... I have some friends that can help you. Nice friends. They are very very very nice friends and what they're going to do to you won't hurt at all. I promise. Scout's honor. Does that sound OK? My friends can be your friends, too. Happy friends, and they can make you happy.

    Oh I hope you are not really going crazy. Just let me know if you are really going crazy, and if you really are going crazy, then maybe I can help un-crazify you. Maybe not, I don't know, maybe I am going crazy too. Sometimes I think I am going crazy, and other times I think that I am not going crazy.

  2. Ben,
    I don't think you understood what I was talking about at all.

  3. Stop using my true identity!!!!

    My real name must be kept hush-hush on the Internets!!!


    They are going to track me down now!

    Aw, it's not that big of a deal.

    And yeah, um, I like to be silly, but uh... no offense and I know you're not really going crazy and I won't pretend to understand what you were talking about or what you are going through. And I also wanted to say that I like "cubicle" that's cool. yep.

    howdy I'm a cowboy.

    Just know that I'm sending mental well-wishes your way! Take care.

  4. Wow, I thought I was the only one. I understand completely. Going back to what I once said, If the sun is shinning, the birds singing, and the wind is blowing its going to be a beautiful day.

  5. WOW.. I actually know where you are coming from.. Thank you for sharing. :)

  6. Wow, just wow, that was an incredibly visual description of how you are feeling.

    Many of us in a similar boat or on our way to it.

    You aren't alone.